Unhealthy Teen Friendships

Should parents step in or stay out?

- Robyn Kinsey Mooring

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you should be fairly experienced at helping your child learn to navigate the sometimes petty, other times amusing, but mostly wonderful waters of friendship. But what is your role when a friendship takes an unhealthy turn? And how do you help your teen learn when to save — or end — a friendship?

The most important consideration is to recognize that this is your child’s friendship, and it really has nothing to do with you as a parent, according to Kate Paquin, a therapist, family coach and owner of Apex-based A Family Coach.

“Parents can’t make their issues the kid’s issues,” she says. There may be something happening that you think is mean or inappropriate, but your child may perceive it differently. If your child doesn’t seem to be affected by it, then “let it go,” Paquin advises.

That said, there are some challenging friendship situations you may encounter with your child over the course of his or her preteen and teenage years. Here’s how to identify them and know what your role should be.

POTENTIALLY HARMFUL

As a parent, you’re likely able to detect potentially unhealthy friendships for your child because you have more wisdom and experience under your belt. In such cases, Paquin advises handling the situation much like you would have when your child was a toddler: by using redirection. Encourage your child to spend more time with other friends and to find other interests, all while helping to build your child’s confidence as much as possible.

CLEARLY UNHEALTHY