MEANT TO BE – OR GROW TOGETHER?

Some people believe in soulmates, others think love isn’t found but made. Here’s how these core beliefs could be affecting your relationship

- RACINE EDWARDES

IT’S the idea almost every romantic movie is based on – that we all have a soulmate out there, “the one” we’re meant to be with, “the one” who will make us happy.

Perhaps you believe you’ve found your soulmate already. Maybe you’re still looking, and holding on to the idea that you’ll find this kind of love that comes quick and without warning, destined by the stars – love at first sight, if you will. Or do you think the romantic idea of soulmates is naïve, and that love grows with every step and shared experience?

What you believe about love and romance affects the way you approach your relationship. Here’s how these two core beliefs could be playing out in your relationship, and tips from experts on pitfalls to watch out for.

WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT’S MEANT TO BE

The idea of a soulmate suggests there is an ideal other, “a lifetime companion who was created to perfectly complement everything that you are”, says Cape Town-based clinical psychologist Slindile Mbatha.

“There is a belief that when one meets this person, there is a mutual ‘knowing’ – almost instantly – that they are just right,” she continues. “People who are trying to find a soulmate may seek this feeling in first interactions and may doubt the potential of the relationship if the person doesn’t fit with the imagined ideal.”