​The Gentleman's Guide To Post-Hookup Etiquette

Thank you, come again.

- Sophie Saint Thomas

You’ve probably done a lot of research on what to do during sex. Which is to say, you’ve probably watched a lot of porn. But porn doesn’t teach you much about what to do after you’re done hooking up. When a new person invites you back to their place, there is post-coital etiquette you must follow to show that you are not only a good lover but also a decent human. So read on to learn how to politely dispose of condoms, when to head back to your place, and why you must text the next day – even if it’s just a one-night stand.

WHEN CAN I GO HOME? 

To spend the night or not spend the night post-smashing is a personal decision. As an insomniac, I empathise with people who don’t spend the night after sex. Plus, I have cats. I don’t bring my Ambien with me or leave out food for my cats unless I want to marry you or, like, you flew me to an Airbnb in Paris. Try to make it clear, before you go home together, that you’re not staying over.