When Love Hurts

Three women Maureen, Arleen and Valentine have been to hell and back in their relationships. They narrate to us how they walked away from abusive relationships and why you should too.

- Vivian Maina

I had just turned 26 when I met him through an online dating site. At the time I had been living in Dubai for two and a half years and being away from home was a lonely experience. So when I saw this detailed message from a handsome man, I was so happy to have finally met someone who I could connect with. He easily swept me off my feet.

I fell in love with how attentive and expressive he was. And when he was rude to restaurant staff brushed it off. A few weeks later, things started to change. He would blow up at the tiniest of things. I was constantly walking on eggshells trying to avoid any unnecessary outbursts. He stopped being the open and available man I believed he was and became a closed off vault.

I did my best to avoid doing things that would set him off. This changed me. I was no longer the bubbly, opinionated person I once was. When I decided to share how his regular outbursts made me feel small, unappreciated and unloved he became violent. He called me names. Accusing me of trying to make him a bad person and that it wasn’t his fault that I was so unhappy in the relationship. The more I tried to explain the more enraged he became. He threw dishes everywhere, grabbed my things and threw them out of the apartment. It was late in the night and I was out in the cold scared with no way of getting back to my apartment.

Of course I went back to him. I wholeheartedly believed that he and I were meant to be. When the moments were good, they were wonderful. I told myself we just needed to learn to communicate. I saw him as a wounded man who needed to be loved and I gave myself that task of trying to rehabilitate a broken man. We stayed together another year.