BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

None of us are isolated in an island; we all need people in order to live meaningful lives. If you examine any aspect of your life, you will find that it involves relationships. Having said this, it is important to note that, a good relationship can be highly invigorating while a bad relationship can be equally energy-sapping. So, it is immensely useful to understand how to deal with people. How about we explore and see if some of these ‘secrets of relationships’ can inspire harmony and integration around us!

- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

How does a relationship develop?

First comes attraction. You are attracted to someone. But, when what you are attracted to, comes to you very easily, the charm goes away; it dies out very fast. But if what you are attracted to comes with a little difficulty, then you develop love for it.

Now, you fall in love; then what happens? After a while, the soap opera begins. Because you love someone, you give all of yourself and then you start demanding from that relationship. When you start demanding, love diminishes. The entire thrill, joy, everything seems to be fading away. Then you say, “Oh I have made a mistake.” Now there’s struggle and pain to get out of it, and after you’ve gotten out of it, you get into one more, another one; and it is the same story!

What is it that you want to know about the secret of relationships? I am sure you would like to know how it can be long-lasting, not how it can be cut off. That, of course, is no secret. Everybody knows about it: Just push a button, a few more buttons very often. That’s it. It’s finished.

Three things are essential in any relationship: right perception, right observation, and right expression. Often, people say that nobody understands them. Instead of saying, “No one understands me!” you can say that you have not expressed properly. If you speak Russian to a Spanish, definitely they won’t understand. For that, you need proper perception. Right perception can happen only when you put yourself into the shoes of the other person.