Owning Your Feels Makes You Happier

You know stress. Who doesn’t? You also know it will probably pass – right after you meet that looming deadline. Except it doesn’t always fade, and you remain tense and clenched. Why? Perhaps because you’re not actually stressed. Turns out, big, well-known emotions can disguise a host of more nuanced feels. Stuff like stress can be the tip of an emotional iceberg, with a whole lot more going on down below. For example, perhaps it wasn’t the deadline frazzling you – it was the fact that your boss always subtly undermines you. Research shows that acknowledging and addressing these buried feelings can lead to ‘better psychological health, career success and meaning in life’, says psychologist Susan David, author of Emotional Agility – and people who don’t do so are at greater risk for mental health woes such as anxiety and depression.

- Stacey Colino

Ready to dig deep and reap major benefits? Welcome to COSMO’s crash course on tapping into your feels. It’s time to get all emo!

 

1 Expand Your Vocab 

‘If you don’t know what emotion you’re dealing with, you can’t express it constructively,’ says psychologist Tony Ferretti. To that end, write down five positive feelings (e.g. excitement, joy, passion, satisfaction, hope) and five negative ones (anxiety, fear, guilt, anger, frustration) on index cards. Jot down the actual definitions on the back of each card, and feel zero shame if you have to consult a dictionary. Each day, choose one card and try to notice when you or someone else is experiencing that sensation. Chances are it will crop up: we all experience 10 to 15 emotions per day, says Ferretti. Notice how various feelings affect your body. Are you sweating? Do you feel buoyant? Keep it up until you can ID your emotions as soon as they surface.

2 Look Closer