The signs were there right from the start. After two months in the job my face broke out in sores: impetigo, caused by stress. Then came a series of paralysing neck spasms. There were periods of thriving, thinking, I’ve got this! Only to be plunged back into a Sisyphean cycle of trying harder yet somehow feeling even more of a failure. People were retrenched; the workload trebled. Then again. Then again. The company made concessions for an ever more demanding client, and the workload just kept growing. What did I do to cope? I took on even more work to show I was up to the task (I wasn’t).
Then one day I started sobbing at my desk for no apparent reason and I couldn’t stop. The urge to flee the building overwhelmed me but I resisted the urge, knowing that if I did flee I would not return.
I looked at other jobs. They all seemed like more of the same.
I began to realise that something was wrong, something I didn’t fully understand. I took some measures (hired a brilliant coach and took her advice), which helped, but the problem was still there and I couldn’t see past it: the job. Increasingly, every day was infused with dread, hopelessness and overwhelm.
Then lockdown came and the company I worked for went into crisis mode, its clients went into crisis mode, and for the first time ever my brain offered suicide as a perfectly logical solution. Then it offered it again, and again. It felt as though an alien was thinking my thoughts. Horrified, I realised I was going to have to do the unthinkable before I did the irreversible: quit my job. So I did.
THE NUMBERS
This story is from the July/August 2021 edition of Fairlady.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the July/August 2021 edition of Fairlady.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Easter with edge
Grant knows what it's like to miss out on the celebrations that anchor family life.
The MALE bias
Historically, medical studies were mainly done on male mice and on men; and then extrapolated to treat women, as if a female body were just a smaller version of a male one. Here’s why that doesn’t make sense, and how to work with your body’s natural rhythm for better health.
Wellbeing
How to sleep better, feel better and look better!
The other type of CHEATING
Lies about money can have devastating consequences in a relationship.
THE 'PEST' IN PESTICIDES
oe r Despite many highly Hs hazardous pesticides being banned in their countries of origin, 192 of them are still legally exported to South Africa
START A BUSINESS LIKE a Saffer
There's nothing quite like a South African entrepreneur. In the face of adversity, they innovate and persevere. But what fuels that determination? We chatted to some self-starters to find out.
How to take the MONOTONY OUT OF MONOGAMY
It's easy to get complacent in a long-term relationship. Before you know it, your partner is little more than your roommate. Here's how to shake things up.
SUPER TROUPER
At one point, Josie Borain was the most famous model in the world. Her face was on every magazine that mattered. And in the madness of all that attention, she never lost her sense of self. She talks to us about turning 60, being single, and starting her third act with a move to the platteland.
Little wonder
Over the years we have visited 16 Greek islands, but when we first set foot on Halki, the little-known gem just south of Rhodes, we knew we'd found the closest thing to the perfect one. And we vowed to return. Often.
HOME AFFAIRS
These three entrepreneurs are redefining the heartbeat of homes through their unique blend of creativity, sustainability and purposeful design.