Thank you (in case no one has said this yet) for listening to late-catalogue Taylor Swift all the way here instead of early-catalogue Taylor Dayne, like you wanted. Thank you, too, for driving past the Starbucks on the highway and spending forty minutes looking for a local coffee shop, and waiting patiently for an oat-milk chai latte to be prepared and served in a ceramic cup, then consumed while seated on a too small stool at a too small table under the leaves of a looming potted bird-of-paradise. To insure that your prospective student continues to have an optimal experience today, we’ve got a few rules for you, you awesome parents! Violation of any of these rules could negatively affect your child’s chances of attending college here, because they’ll forever dwell in a hole of embarrassment in the middle of the Earth. So, yeah, don’t do these things:
This story is from the June 19, 2023 edition of The New Yorker.
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This story is from the June 19, 2023 edition of The New Yorker.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
BADDIE ISSUES
\"Wicked\" and \"Gladiator II.\"
LET'S MAKE A DEAL
\"Death Becomes Her\" and \"Burnout Paradise.\"
ANTI HEROES
\"The Franchise,\" on HBO.
FELLOW-TRAVELLERS
The surprisingly sunny origins of the Frankfurt School.
NOW YOU SEE ME
John Singer Sargent's strange, slippery portraits of an art dealer's family.
PARIS FRIEND - SHUANG XUETAO
Xiaoguo had a terror of thirst, so he kept a glass of water on the table beside his hospital bed. As soon as it was empty, he asked me to refill it. I wanted to warn him that this was unhealthy - guzzling water all night long puts pressure on the kidneys, and pissing that much couldn't be good for his injury. He was tall, though, so I decided his insides could probably cope.
WILD SIDE
Is Lake Tahoe's bear boom getting out of hand?
GETTING A GRIP
Robots learn to use their hands.
WITHHOLDING SEX FROM MY WIFE
In the wake of [the] election, progressive women, who are outraged over Donald Trump's victory at the ballot box, have taken to social media with public, vengeful vows of chastity. - The Free Press.
DEADLINE EXTENSION
Old age, reborn.
