WHAT THE CARDS TOLD ME

DURING A MOMENT OF CRISIS, CJ HAUSER REPLACED AN OLD, INHERITED TAROT DECK WITH A SHINY NEW NEW SET AND BEGAN DOING HER OWN READINGS. SHE DISCOVERED A COMPLETELY NEW WAY OF BEING COLLAGE

HOW I LIKE TO HAVE A CRISIS: privately, while pretending to be totally fine, telling no one about it until it is over and I can turn it into a funny story. My sister Leslie came to visit me in New York because I was having une petite crise and had failed to hide it adequately.

She called me. 'You didn't respond to a photo of your niece with underwear on her head. What's going on over there?'

'I'm fine!' I said, and started crying. 'Totally fine!'

'Pat!' she yelled to my brother-in-law. 'PAT!'

To me, she said: 'We are not getting off this phone until we have a plan for me to come see you - Pat, you're going to watch the kids, yes? Yes.'

It was a damp, cold autumn. I had not seen the sun in weeks, but I was determined to plan activities for Leslie's visit. And this was how we came to be standing in the freezing rain at a mostly abandoned apple orchard. We waited in the queue to catch a tractor ride. A man with a grey moustache said, 'I have a riddle for you. You must answer to ride the wagon.' My sister answered one right away. I failed to answer a riddle three times. 'Am I still allowed to ride?' I asked. 'No,' the wagon man said.