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Help! He's choosing his family over me

Q I've always been very comfortable that my lover is married - I don't want a fulltime partner as I'm too busy with my job and kids. So I was quite thrown at how upset I'm feeling because he's not sent me a Christmas card this year for the first time, and he hasn't been calling as much as usual. Now I'm worried he's going off me - and even more worried that it bothers me!

SUSAN SAYS

You're right to suspect that your lover's feelings for you have changed either he cares less, or he cares more and has started to feel guilty about that. And if that change also changes you, so you're becoming upset, angry or jealous, then there's likely trouble ahead. I'd have a conversation about how you both feel. But I'd also expect that - on both sides - you're heading to the end of your affair.

Avoiding arguments at Christmastime