Does Your Love Need A Label?
Cosmopolitan Philippines|September 2016

Lesbian, gay, bisexual…in an era when celebrities and everyday people are proudly declaring their sexual fluidity, do we still need orientation labels? michelle tea explores how we got to this new frontier of sexual identity a and where we go from here.

Michelle Tea
Does Your Love Need A Label?

In my early 20s, in the candlelight of an apartment, I kissed a girl. It was immediately my favorite thing to do. I wanted my boyfriend to go away forever. Oh my god, I’m a lesbian! I thought.

As Jessica became my first girl, my boyfriend became, for quite some time, my last boy. Sex with him had always felt blatant and pre-configured. The sex I entered into with Jessica was a dark forest, a fairy tale you get lost in. I realized that with men, a part of my heart was on high alert always. With my boyfriend, some essential part of myself was not at play in the sex we’d had. Yet within moments, Jessica, this stranger, had access to it all. I was whole.

I wanted to build my life around this experience, and I did. Revising my hetero history, I decided the eyeliner-wearing Goth boys I pursued in high school were simply the closest I could come at the time to a girl. I got rid of my thrift-store lace dresses and popped on a baseball cap with Dyke emblazoned above the brim. I hit Goodwill in search of Little League T-shirts to wear with cutoff army pants. I shaved my head. There—I was a dyke, I’d always been a dyke, and I’d always be a dyke. Now, buzz off!

Coming out in the early ’90s, at a time when the fight for gay rights was gaining ground, a solid, even confrontational sexual identity was demanded (we were born this way, dammit!). Anything less was seen as wishy-washy, smacking of internalized homophobia. For gay women, an interest in men marked one as a traitor to queerness and feminism. People who identified as bisexual were schemers looking to keep one foot in the world of heterosexual privilege. As for those who opted out of a sexual identity, well, they were quite possibly insane.

This story is from the September 2016 edition of Cosmopolitan Philippines.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the September 2016 edition of Cosmopolitan Philippines.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM COSMOPOLITAN PHILIPPINESView All
One Page At A Time
Cosmopolitan Philippines

One Page At A Time

With his wicked sense of humor and deeply personal stories, Adam J. Kurtz has built and inspired a loyal following around the world. Here, the artist and author of Things Are What You Make of Them: Life Advice for Creatives shares a few words of wisdom that will resonate with you, no matter the industry you’re in.

time-read
2 mins  |
April 2018
Cosmo Bae Milo Ventimiglia
Cosmopolitan Philippines

Cosmo Bae Milo Ventimiglia

We’ll never let go, Jack. The Pearson patriarch may have met his end on This Is Us, but he will live forever in our hearts— and on the flashback-heavy show.

time-read
1 min  |
April 2018
Sunset Lover
Cosmopolitan Philippines

Sunset Lover

Nadine Lustre is throwing a summer party—and everyone’s invited. On the menu: an array of beach-to-bar looks and her trademark candor on tap.

time-read
8 mins  |
April 2018
When Your Fam Body Shames You
Cosmopolitan Philippines

When Your Fam Body Shames You

How to ask family and friends for less shade, more support.

time-read
4 mins  |
April 2018
From Side Hustle To CEO
Cosmopolitan Philippines

From Side Hustle To CEO

Genecia Luo, former Miss Singapore and founder of Soul Rich Woman, Southeast Asia’s largest network of female entrepreneurs, explains why you need to build your brand, online and off, ASAP.

time-read
2 mins  |
April 2018
The Millennial Sex Slump
Cosmopolitan Philippines

The Millennial Sex Slump

What’s got this generation down and out instead of hot and heavy?

time-read
4 mins  |
December 2017
Angel Healing And Past Lives
Cosmopolitan Philippines

Angel Healing And Past Lives

The CURIOUS COSmO GIRl’S GUIde TO

time-read
4 mins  |
December 2017
Confessions
Cosmopolitan Philippines

Confessions

Because even Chirtmas can be traumatizing

time-read
1 min  |
December 2017
8 Things You Should Know About Getting Tested For HIV
Cosmopolitan Philippines

8 Things You Should Know About Getting Tested For HIV

December 1 is World Aids Day

time-read
1 min  |
December 2017
Unfiltered
Cosmopolitan Philippines

Unfiltered

Nadine Lustre lives her days in front of the camera, but she is as real as it gets.

time-read
9 mins  |
September 2016