The Last Great Insult

There is one four-letter word you can still hurl at someone that will sting. Deploy it frequently and ruthlessly.

I WAS STARTLED WHEN THE GUY WHIZZED past me in his matte-black BMW i8. He was gunning it down my street, all but leaving smoldering tire tracks like in Back to the Future and, perhaps most damningly, making the pavement vibrate to the new Drake album. My dander got all the way up, and I shouted it before I had time to think. Not "Hey!" Not "Slow down, asshole!" Not "Hey, this is a residential neighborhood full of kids and dogs and at least one family with a giant tortoise as a pet, but that's a story for another time-slow down, asshole!" No.

What came up from the depths of my soul was one perfect syllable, a single word that I yelled at a volume that startled me yet again and may even have briefly earned my dog's respect.

"DORK!"

Dork, I have come to learn, is the perfect insult for this precarious time in our culture. We are facing an onslaught of the mediocre, the relentless advance of the shameless. Reason, emotion, and in some cases the full weight of our justice system all seem to be powerless against them. Nothing we hurl at Ted Cruz or Anthony Kiedis will make them any less delighted with themselves. But if you can't shame them, you can at least make yourself smile. You can watch one of Donald Trump Jr.'s webcam rants and say, "Go to bed, dork." Calling someone a dork is a put-down that lifts you up.