Boys will be boys - what matters is how we react

We call them 'bros' and criticise their behaviour. But is it that simple? Steve Biddulph, an expert on raising boys, thinks it is something deeper and tells Lorraine Candy that we need to look at our own behaviour before criticising theirs

- Lorraine Candy

My son has just turned 18. Next year, he will leave home for university, following in the footsteps of his two sisters, aged 20 and 22. His younger sister, aged 13, will be left behind with us. We’ve been through the wringer parenting three amazing teenage girls, for sure. But at no point have I been as scared for them as I am for my teenage son. Raising a boy has felt much more challenging, confusing, and risky in this social climate.

In no particular order of importance, I worry about the following: will my son be stabbed in our nearby London park or violently robbed walking home from school? (The latter has already happened to at least two of his friends.)

Could their quiet way of hiding depression make my son vulnerable to the terrifying reality that boys are three times more likely to die by suicide than girls? Is he gaming excessively? How much misogynistic porn is he secretly watching? Will my vocal feminism turn him into a womanhating incel? Is his self-esteem – fragile yet crucial during adolescence – robust enough to survive the adult world?

I catastrophised about my daughters too, of course. The difference is, I felt in control when guiding them. I understood their feelings, knew about their bodies, and saw how today’s warped version of masculinity could put them at risk as they matured.

After all, I am, as Gregg Wallace would say, a “middle-class woman of a certain age” (56). I am well aware of the unhealthy “manosphere” that supports the Gregg Wallaces of this world, and I developed ways to help my teen daughters cope, avoid, or fight against it. I knew what to do. With my son, I am not so sure.