'Ava's Our Little Miracle'

Lauren Smith explains how her little girl’s smile keeps her strong…

- Rebecca Wright and Kristina Beanland

This Christmas, after my partner, Graham, and I decorate the tree, I’ll cuddle my daughter, Ava, in the glow of the fairy lights. I’ll hum carols as her bright blue eyes close, and she’ll nuzzle against me in her miniature Santa outfit as she gently falls asleep.

You might think I have everything I could ever want – I’ll be spending the festive season with a loving partner, and an adorable baby girl. But if you look a little closer, you’ll notice that Ava wears a breathing tube in her nose. At two years old, she’s yet to walk, crawl or even sit up. And, as I hold her close there’ll be tears in my eyes too. Because, while this is such a magical time of year, it’s also a stark reminder of an unimaginable loss…

It was 5 o’clock on Christmas morning when I woke up with a sharp pain in my stomach. Still dark outside, and with my partner, Graham sleeping beside me, I tried not to wince as I touched my bump. I was 23 weeks pregnant with twin girls and knew any pain couldn't be good. Scans had revealed that my girls were suffering from twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, causing the blood to flow unevenly between the babies. One of my daughters was receiving too much blood, putting a strain on her heart, while the other wasn’t getting enough, and was growing slowly.

Doctors had been monitoring me regularly, so I tried to stay calm but, getting out of bed I put on the light and saw blood everywhere. ‘Graham!’ I gasped. He sat up quickly and seeing me doubled over, covered in blood, he jumped out of bed. ‘We’ll get you to the hospital as quickly as we can,’ Graham said, helping me into some clothes. We rushed to the car. All I could think about were the two little lives growing inside me.